I want to find out about the experiences of queer people in the workplace. What are our main concerns at work? How does being queer in its various forms act as a barrier to career development or even getting a paycheck? How can we benefit employers and co-workers by sharing our unique experiences? How do we want our community to help us earn better opportunities?
In a mock interview last week with Mad, I came to the realization that, while it is important and useful to get these questions answered by as many people as possible to show the range of experiences and show that our experiences are "more legitimate," I can also answer these questions myself. My own experiences in the workplace are important, helpful, and while maybe they don't count as straight-up "data," being a part of the queer community has shown me that we've come a long way without any encouragement from properly sanctioned research. I'm thinking about Esther Newton's
Mother Camp: Female Impersonators in America, an ethnographic account of drag culture published in 1979. I'm thinking about ACT UP and Stonewall and other direct action--putting our bodies on the line for creating change. I'm thinking of the It Gets Better project, which is all about the power created by sharing our experiences.
One of my main concerns at work is whether or not to come out, when, to whom, and how. I mean, my co-workers now already know that I am trans. But because being trans means something a little different to each person, I'm not sure what they know, what they think they know, and what they don't really care about knowing. But I'm also meeting and talking to new people all the time and coming out kind of comes along with telling what I do. In some ways, that's an easy out, unless of course if, when I say Initiative for Transgender Leadership, the "transgender" just flies over their heads cause I don't fit their picture of what a transgender person looks like or does. In general though, talking about it produces some really interesting conversations, even if I don't always want to talk about it.
In the past, coming out never seemed relevant, or wise. One instance I'm thinking about I could have totally come out to a co-worker and I'm sure it would have been fine, but I just was held back by nerves. Coming out as transgender really shifts things into the way personal pretty fast. Sometimes I'm just too shy to take that plunge with someone I am friendly with, but not ready to get that personal with.
Other times, coming out feels essential, even though I may feel a panic attack coming on. I preferred to be up front about being trans at the three childcare positions I've held. In each case it never really came up again after that, but it made me feel so much better to know that I ran into any problems, I had a supervisor I was already out to, so I didn't have to come out in a crisis.
For me coming out completely would also involve coming out as queer, as having dated men, as being bisexual. This may fly under the radar as my partner is a woman, and although neither of us identifies as straight, we are assumed to be straight. This is sometimes awkward at queer events. Heaven forbid we come across as some space-invading heteros!
More generally, coming out involves speaking out against anti-gay or anti-women comments. Sometimes man-spaces don't feel safe enough to even say "That's not cool" or whatever and I have to concede by just not laughing the joke, ignoring it, or avoiding the person who said it. Often I am amazed be privy to totally gross boy's club comments, jokes, and bathroom habits that men generally wouldn't be caught dead sharing with women. It isn't all gross either. I wonder if some men might be embarrassed about sharing some of the tender, innocent things too. As an aside, I've also been witness to some really degrading gender language from women too, especially when it comes to gender policing children.
It's never clear how best to find out what kind of work environment it really is when applying for a job. Like, should I ask in the interview what kinds of policies protect LGBT employees? Since my work experience on my resume includes obviously queer context (especially now) how do I know that they person reading it wont just "look it over"? How does my work experience in queer contexts translate to other positions?
I know that my queerness has made me feel awkward in the workplace in general--like I'm not "acting normal" or whatever. There's this idea of how to "be a woman" or "be a man" in the workplace and I don't really feel like I fit either of those. Maybe this is how most people feel. Workplaces can be awkward places for all kinds of people.
I feel that my queerness and transness can contribute to a better workplace environment. For instance, I'm generally less likely to kill myself over trying to carry something heavy all by myself. I try to make it a point to pay attention to non-verbal cues women are sending to men in the room--about when the men should stop talking, when women need more personal space, etc. Also, from my experience being a member of a community often left out of outreach, research, and advertising in any real way, I have more of an eye when it comes to implementing projects--who are we trying to reach? why? what language are we going to use? Not to mention the perils of tokenism.
I've been to a couple internship fairs as a student and I remember being really disappointed with the selection. I wanted some more alternative employers in attendance. One thing I am working on is an LGBT-and-ally-themed internship fair. Employers have to show that they have a commitment to LGBT-inclusion if they want to attend. Organizations that serve the LGBT community are especially welcome to show all the various opportunities available fighting the good fight in our community.
I've also found it useful to hear stories from other folks going through the same thing--what advice they can offer is definitely helpful, this is true even if the details of their experience hardly mirrors mine. What's important is the before and after, the feeling, the triumph.
