Landmark Education Part II

Continued from the previous blog post: Landmark Education Part I

So, I decided to commit my 25th birthday weekend to something totally different: the Landmark forum. Full days on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, then back for a re-cap on Tuesday evening. In my view, it's like a weekend crash-course in getting-to-know-yourself and generating-a-new-life-philosophy. Putting things into perspective, getting a grip on patterns one keeps doing over and over again. I also described it to some people like an extended poetry reading or consciousness-raising session. Folks shared incredibly powerful stories and we were all witnesses to each others' transformations large and small.

I was thinking a lot about my fears of coming out, about integrity & accountability, about relationships and all that stuff that hangs over my head and never gets said. At every break you are given "homework" like, think about this or that decision you made when you were 5 or 14 or 24 that shaped what you thought you were capable of from then on. Or, call up someone in your life and have a totally unreasonable conversation with them, for example, have that conversation you know in your heart to be impossible and do it with urgency and courage and love.

It's very freeing, pinpointing the moment I decided for myself that I was going to make myself be "the responsible one" from then on because I couldn't count on anybody else, even though I didn't want to be responsible and raged against it. One snippet I like that came up a lot that weekend "what we resist, persists". Like we all know a parent's behavior we absolutely do not want to repeat but--there it is--and it seems even more prominent the more we try to fight it. So just making the decision to leave decisions we make about ourselves and other people (I'm too this, or not that enough) in the past where they belong, because otherwise, those decisions and resentments shape how we see everything in the future and squeeze out any possibility that we can do anything new.

I have more to say about this that I can't remember now. I did have some incredible things come out of that weekend. Met some really amazing people. Felt like I was in a really safe space. Laughed, cried, had some conversations with people I never thought were going to be possible, really got to the bottom of a distressing family mystery, and I think, became a much better listener.

I'm currently attending the Landmark 10-week seminar series "Causing the Miraculous" 'cause, why not? On a somewhat-related note, I just finished reading, again, The Deptford Trilogy by Robertson Davies, a Canadian playwright with a magnificent beard. These three books are about how tiny decisions create entire lives of consequences, how the minor characters make all the difference, and how the world of the miraculous really isn't that far away. Plus it's full of magicians, circus freaks and brilliant weirdos.