Landmark Education Part I

Back when I first started this fellowship, Mad invited me to do the Landmark Forum, an intensive weekend of philosophical education and self-work. All three ITL co-creators did some variation of the program and they all seem to speak the same language during planning meetings. I check out the website once and promptly forgot about it.
Mad brought it up a few more times. I was wishy-washy. It seemed creepy and expensive and not-for-me. It seemed vaguely religious, and too good to be true. Mad invited me a few more times and then in May she told me that there was going to be an introduction meeting in Pittsburgh led by someone she really admired. I decided to go with and check it out, partly so Mad would quit asking me. I appreciate that she warned me, "Now, people here are going to seem a bit more happy and shiny than the regular session" so I knew to take it with a grain of salt. The marketing of it is pushy and annoyed me. I didn't like how everyone anticipated every negative thought I was having. But Mad shared some thoughts with me personally that made it more about a gift she was offering me to offer to myself. I was also struck by some observations she had of me that seemed really "confronting" and really showed me that she was paying close attention.
Furthermore, the speaker was really good. He was excellent and eventually was like, "Oh, I'm sure I could tell you a bunch of reasons to do this, but why not just do it 'cause what the hell?" I liked this. I decided to do it cause "what the hell" and because I felt like I needed something big and totally different in my life to shake me up. Also, it seemed uncanny that the next Pittsburgh Forum was over my birthday weekend.
I was told that the Landmark Forum starts when you register, however, I did do my immediate ambivalent ramble: "Oh no! Why did I just sign up for this thing on my birthday weekend? Everyone is going to think I am a big weirdo and voluntarily brainwashing myself...I'm going to start talking in annoying jargon and blah, blah, blah..." But then really started to see how it was true for me: it did start once I registered. June was an awful month and I kept thinking how I really needed a new perspective on things, needed something to shake me up. My b-day weekend came along soon enough and I really worked hard to get as many things out of the way and taken care of before the weekend really began. Knowing I was about to do this motivated me in a way I really needed. I wasn't looking forward to 13-hour days in an overly-air-conditioned room in Greentree...but I was optimistic.